Taking Risks

Hey everyone! I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I want to update you all on what I’m doing and the things I’ve learned along the way. Right now I’m in the Seattle area bar-backing and learning to bartend during the week at a super awesome restaurant and bar nearby. My weekends have been occupied with yoga teacher training. I decided to put some work in a couple of vocations that I enjoy doing so that in my off time I’m in a good place mentally and financially to put effort into my filmmaking and writing. Vanlife is still a thing, I’ve just moved locations for my build.

Flexibility is something I’ve had on the brain and not just because of all the yoga. I look back over the past year and I’ve realized that many of my plans have changed. In fact, all of my plans have changed. The end goal of a finished van and making independent films is still firmly in place, but the route to that has been ever changing. From accepting and then declining a position as a PA for a showrunner in L.A. to moving out to Vermont. Then plans to set up shop in Austin and work on getting into grad school to traveling around for the summer before settling in Indiana for Amazon's Camper Force with other Vanlifers. During the summer I got to see so many old friends, in Texas. Kansas, and all the way out here in Seattle. While here I realized that I wanted to stay and take up my build here. To jump and take risks is scary, but it’s just as scary to then be flexible when those leaps don’t pan out.

I’ve learned that taking risks is very much like working a muscle. It’s really difficult at first. You stand at the edge and you fret over the distance to be crossed. You let the anxiety build and it becomes difficult to trust that you can make the short jump to the other side. If you lose your footing and slip on the landing it can hurt immensely making the anxiety all the more intense when you get to the next ledge. But with each skip, leap, and jump you get stronger. You begin to trust your instincts on when to jump and how to land. It becomes easier to stand back up when the landing isn’t right. It’s not as painful, mind you the pain is still very real, but it becomes more of a point to learn from. A place to measure yourself against. 

I’m not anywhere near perfect, but each leap has taught me to listen to myself. Each time I’ve made the landing I’ve learned to trust myself and recognize my own strength. Every time I’ve slipped, missed the mark and flat out failed, I’ve learned how to love myself more, and how to show compassion to myself. I’ve learned how to find the courage for the next leap. 

I’m recommitting to the blog and will update weekly again. Van updates will be here in roughly a month, once I finish with teacher training. I hope you all are well and I send all my love!